... it a constant
... balancing act that is. right now, i feel like i'm losing. i'm working so much. my insomnia is in full swing. and i sorta feel like i'm going to end up onna milk carton one of these days. i'm working my normal 8 hour +- shift daily. i go home, spend time with my wife when i can, watch an occasional Tivo'd show, she goes to bed and i jes'... can't. my mind is a freight train. running and running. fortunately, i've accomplished prolly 2 week's worth of work within about 3 days (well, nights) of pounding the keys and abusing the mouse. i think i'm working on average 12 hours a day now. wtf am i doin'?
i design in these weird, sometimes brilliant spurts of creativity. i know that sounds swollen-headed. it's not meant to be, it just... is. i designed an entire 15 page toastmaster brochure for a spring conference in 4 days. projects like that can take months of design, redesign, layout editing, formatting and more. 4 days. only (2) hitches that took less than a 1/2 day to iron out to hit the committee's deadline. i knew from the first moment i created the cover image that it'd be a bang up job. disturbing to me that when i think about how much time i blasted into those 4 days on it, i recall less than a few hours of actual work.
i find that when i sit here in my office, i storyboard out a project, a web design, a brochure (whatever!) and scrawl things on the whiteboard like hieroglyphs. half this shit i can't even read myself most of the time. but i sit back here (purposely hung whiteboard about 10+- feet against far wall so it's always in my visual range) at my desk and it jes' makes sense.
anyway, it's actually about 12am as i write this. i'll actually post once i review this for spelling errors and dyslexic foul-ups. i need to try to sleep. sheep are scared of me now, i've counted enough flocks to fill a countryside.
Sorry all... other than this gripe session of mine, i really have nothing intelligent to share with you all this week. i'm jes' tapped. what's worse, in less than 6 hours, i'll be back at the office repeating this cycle. i soooo love my job. it's taking me 10 years of shit jobs to get me here. i'm losing focus tho.... again with the tapped. (and no, i have no vacation time currently)
to quote a new friend of mine: today, i want everybody to "do good work!" i really am trying.
24 comments:
Aww... poor B... I'm sorry :( ::rubs your back::
I hope you can get some sleep- and soon!
::hugs:: everything will be okay...
~K
This all makes sense to me. Hang in there, and other 70's poster slogans. :)
i sorry that you can't sleep...i know the feeling, but hey....thank goodness life has things other then work to look forward to : )
When the time is right you will discover the method to get back to sleep.
I could give you lots of ideas, but that would be useless. I have not been in your shoes so I don't no the shit you're going through.
I do know that sleep will come to you soon.
ag - yer comment cracked me up. it makes sense to you? would you mind 'splaining it to me?
kittn84 - life does has it's way of making nice things occasionally come from around the corner... thankees for the kind words.
jack - sleep isn't really the issue, although yesh, lack of sufficient REM is prolly f**king with me beyond belief. it's my lack of focus, or maybe my complete and utter pathological focus that drives me to the point of burnout. oi vey.
either i'm gifted somehow or doomed. how many people do you know can haev 2 computers running at the office, have 6 emails going, applications, 3 projects, 1 whiteboard, a concall, and 2 instant messages conversations allll going on simultaneously?
i think i'm a freak.
Ok, not only is the full moon affecting EE it's got you too!!! :) Hopefully you get over the insomnia soon. I hear ya on that and it blows! I've had it on and off for years. Not much you can do about it. De-stress...
I hear ya on the insomnia, I suffer as well. My only problem is that I don't have the excuse of having a job to do. I'm just up putzin around. Try chamomile tea, it won't put you to sleep but it will relax you. Oh, and no clocks that you can see easily from a prone position in bed.
Sarah - never been too effected to my knowledge by 'da moon, but hey, i'm willing to blame anything other than my overactive mind!
Adrianne - funny you said Chamomile tea. i've tried it before, and due to some oddities in my system, it doesn't work as a calming agent at all. I CAN take the valarian root herb inna pill form and it WHOOPS my arse within moments of consumption - but it also does this or 10+ hours. SOOO, that's reserved for weekend usage.
thanks to you all for your suggestions. SLEEP isn't my only issue tho. frankly, it's my mind.
ya know? that thing that still feel like it's slipping.
yeah for trainwrecks!
oi vey
your comment on my blog today was the absolute coolest!
seriously made me smile huge. i love your three blogs. so fun to browse through. thank you for the invite!
you and your wifey seem like cool peeps.
xoxo,
boho
-b, this is an order. TURN OF THE DAMNED BLOGS, IM's & NON-WORK EMAILS. We will not die if we don't see an update, or get a response from you.
You''re right, it is your mind. Take control of it and stop the fu**ing around.
This is too serious for an lol.
I do care.
The Colonel, (telephone Colonel that is.)
khxwin
BTW...thanks for helping me out so much with so many things. don't think it's not appreciated because it really is!!!!
okay there my friend, i'm finally getting to the blogs i read regularly (it's hard to do when one is visiting her parents).
although i want to agree with dad and tell you to turn things off, i know that your mind will then sit and wonder what you're missing.
i will ask my yogi what things can help a restless mind when i get back home and let you know.
has anyone seen (well, prolly who hasn't) "A Beautiful mind?"
while I'm NOT a Crowe fan, his befuddled portrayal of wrestling with his own mind is how i feel so often.
do you recall the way the director showed US his way of seeing things? Little "flashes" of light throughout what he was looking at... words coming together... jumbling around in front of him until it made sense and he was led to inspiration...
when i saw that film, (minus the spooks, weird conspiracy sh*t and invisible college friends who end up marrying jennifer connelly in real life) i said outloud, 'FINALLY A VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF WHAT HAPPENS TO ME!"
This is what the damned hieroglyphs on my whiteboard do!
AAAAAAAAARGH.
Anyway, jes had to get that out.
Thank you ALL for your advice, pending advice, (shanny) threats outta love, (jack) and comments from "not often seen commenters" on my site. (trojan..! eep!)
I love you all. Here, have a bunny.
(\ /)
(o.o)
(< >) <-- happy bunners of joy
for the record, i got almost 5 hours last night. pure, massive, burnout, and physical pain will do that to a guy apparently!
Jack, Thanks for your comments. I think you have some insight.
The computer, the TV, the visual stimulation - we think helps, but doesn't. How often is it that I've found myself interneting, or playing late when my body tells me 'what are you doing?'. We ignore that because our brain is being stimulated.
-not a great thing-
Hazel just jumped on my lap and suggested that I put the Colonel away and call out the counselor.
Hazel reminded me of the therapeutic affects of pets and very limited stimulation. She says that quiet, classical music or mediation music can do wonders. Giving the pets a good brushing at the same time will also do wonders for all concerned.
Glad to know that you have gotten some sleep. You might want to try walking for about 20-30 minutes daily.
We send you more Reiki energy to help you get into harmony.
Namaste!
HI!! I admit that altho we ARE related, our minds work very differently! I, so far, have no problem falling asleep. You must find some 'routine' at night, to get yourself ready for the zzzzz's. I agree with Jack...too much visual stimulation going on at night. Hang with wifee and kitties, and go to bed!! Try some white noise, ie a fan....works wonders. Love, Sis
My hands ache, so to be brief- I have had insomnia all of my life, and I work too many hours, plus I have spurts of creativity I try to ride...
It makes me sad to read your post. I feel bad for you. I've kinda been in the same situation before, although I DIDN'T love my job. One thought I suppose is...it can only get better. I always hated it when people told me that!! I wish you the best, and hope you can work it out, get some sleep, and quit hitting that wall! ch
-b, another thought. One of the skills I introduce my real estate students to prior to taking their exam is a breathing exercise.
I suggest to them that once they are familiar with the testing computer that they shut down for a moment and do this breathing exercise. It is pretty simple. You can do it sitting at your desk, lying on the floor or your bed.
If you are sitting up, place your feet flat on the floor and place your hands, palms down, on your knees. If you are lying down place your arms by your side.
Once you have assumed the position then the exercise begins.
Inhale fully to the count of five.
Hold to the count of five.
Exhale fully to the count of five.
Hold to the count of five.
Repeat four times.
The value of this is to get you to relax, oxygenate the brain and center your energy. It is widely believed that a well oxygenated brain works much better than a befuddled one.
Let me know how this resonates with you.
nemycifw
jack, thank you for the continued advice. last night was a 4+- hour success for me.
overall it's not the sleep issue tho. dealt with that my whole life. it's stress, (whicher' breathing exercise may help with) and my damned brain which seems to wanna work 24x7 on world peace or SOMETHING!
I'll try yer techniques tonight.
Hopefully we'll see if yer ideas really wor..... BANG!(head on keyboard)...Schnorglezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sweet Dreams!
BTW, you can do this at work too. Wait 'til lunch time. You do take a lunch break, don't you?
lunch break? um....yeah....normally......
um. yeah.
what was the question?
Damn, you sure do make it tough to keep up with.
btw, did you ever catch on to the power nap thingy?
Just give yourself 10-20 minutes of rest time. You can do it just about anytime, except behind the wheel or operating anything dangerous, i.e., computer. tee hee.
Thanks for the ID. I finally posted something about our recent trips. I will get more up in the next couple of days.
Now it is off to lunch then the grocery store.
ttfn
WV--jcoqk wtf does that mean?
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