... i have nothing really to say
... and i feel bad about that. i only have scattered thoughts that some of you may or may not care about. hell, i'm not even sure how i feel about it all. i read all of your entries. everyday. i feel bad that sometimes i jes' don't feel like i have a damned thing to contribute. so... well, i sorries. here's an update on me.
- i'm all moved into my new apartment.
- it's nice and bright.
- maddie's all set up in her routine now. (i think she loves making me bag her poop now that i'm "sans-backyard")
- it's quiet. almost too quiet.
- this is all my choice, but it's hard. the quiet is deafening.
- i've been alone now with my thoughts for 2 weeks. it's amazing how little i've accomplished.
- J and I are on cruise control now. house is sold, closes on the 15th. we're basically waiting to get a fat check to pay off ALL of our debt and split the rest. ho hum.
- i'm working prolly 12 hours a day on average now. most of it is catch-up since there's so much to do.
- i believe maddie thinks the downstairs neighbor's lil' poof dog is a cat. (she was raised by 3 of them...)
- i feel empty. even being social with friends leaves me numb. this is all very, very confusing.
anyway, it's hump day. halfway through the week people. i hope you all are having a great one. all i can say is that every day i try to make it a good day. that's a start in the right direction, right?
5 comments:
i understand the nothing to say thing. i don't know what to say to you to make things better. i know that nothing i say will actually do that, but still i wonder if there is something...
i hope that life will soon show you what you are supposed to be learning. i can only imagine what's going on in your mind and life.
know that i'm there in spririt my friend.
:(
...what I wouldn't give for you to be closer...take you out and just show you a good time, kind of let it all 'go' for a night, a wkend. It might be good for you.
Hang in there, dearheart.
~xo
While you are sitting quietly in your new digs and wondering How in the Hell did I get here(?), imagine me sitting in the same room. I will not say anything. I will just sit. Feel free to talk to me. Feel free to tell me anything you wish. Feel free to answer those comments/questions.
I only wish I had had more time on our way through Seattle last week. (It was about a week ago, wasn't it?) Anyway, you do have friends who are willing to sit with you and not feel compelled to help you solve our problems. (I know Shannon will find that comment a bit puzzling since dad is always a problem solver.)
However, if you need to rant, I am an email away. If it is just rant requiring no comments, say so. If you want a suggestion just say so.
To paraphrase Bill Clinton, "I can feel your pain."
In the meantime, Make it a good one and continue to...
serve others, care about those you serve and share the love in your heart.
I think I find it puzzling because he is my father and hence has always tried to solve my problems.
But when I can get up there, I will be there for you B...to be that friend.
You have more friends than you realize. I, too, am there for you in spirit.
Live fully....
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